One

The past week has been a whirlwind to say the very least.  My King is continuing to teach me that His agenda can be trusted and that life with Him truly is an adventure.  Rebecca and I had a great, relaxing week in Chengdu last week.  It was so nice to rest and to spend some time away.  My plan was to see tons of old friends and spend hours catching up with them.  But He  knew that more than that, I needed rest and time to begin processing through the past few months.  It turned out that each of my friends that I was planning to visit was either out of town, had moved, or was busy.  I was pretty disappointed but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

We planned to go back to the Big House on Thursday night, but on Thursday morning, we got a call saying that there was a little boy who needed to be taken to Hong Kong for surgery...on Friday.  After a few quick minutes of thinking we realized that it made the most sense for me to take him because I needed to go to HK for my visa renewal in September anyways.  So, in a matter of minutes we had changed the flights and I was preparing to head to HK.  I found a washer & dryer at the hostel and did a quick load while trying to rack my brain to make sure I was prepared to take a 3 year old through airports, planes, train, and finally to the hospital!

I got to Beijing at 2 am on Thursday night and we left at 7 am on Friday morning.  And I just want to say, I am with the most precious, adorable, sweetest little boy in the whole entire universe.  God is so kind to give me this gift.  After almost 12 hours of travel, delayed flights, storms, harsh customs officials, trains, taxis, and lots of dirty diapers we finally made it to the hospital.  I felt like we were pulling up to the Ritz Carleton when we finally got here! Little buddy was such a trooper, but we were both exhausted.

I feel like I have grown up so much in the past five days.  I have changed more urine bags, watched more mickey mouse, snuggled a feverish baby in the night, cleaned up more vomit, gave more kisses, played cars in the window sill, and smiled and laughed more than ever before in my life. I thought I was coming here to minister to this little boy, but God has ministered to me.  No child should ever have to do hospital stays and surgery without a mama.  I am so honored to play this role in his life right now.  I truly have been given a gift.

Living in a home with hundreds of children is a joy.  But being in a small cubicle in a huge hospital with one child is truly life changing.  God has reminded me that His heart beats for each child individually.  So today, its about the sweet little boy sleeping in the bed beside me.  Its about his little heart, his little body, and his needs.  For this one we will fight.  For this one we will face long nights and sick days.  For this one we will pray and advocate and persevere.  After all, He still would have died...if only for one. 

Can you join me in praying for this One?

I'm not sure what to title this post.  "Crazy Emotions All Over the Place" maybe? Or "The Life of a Doubter...Saved by Grace"?  The truth is, I am a girl who doubts.  Even when the faithfulness of my God is so clear before me that it could slap me in the face.  Still, I continue to doubt.  I continue to worry.  I continue to be afraid.  I continue to long for the past and I continue to fear the future.  Even though He has proven Himself over.and.over.and.over.and.over.again.  Oh me of little faith!!

This week, Rebecca and I decided to take a little trip to Chengdu.  This city holds many, many memories for me.  For those of you who followed my journey last year, you remember that this is the city where I spent four months studying Chinese at the local university.  You might also remember that those were some of the longest, hardest months of my entire life.  It was raw and real and Jesus was so close.  But it was hard.  It was here that I cried more bitter tears than ever before.  It was here that I reached the depths of loneliness and found that He was there waiting for me.  Walking through the streets of this city the past few days has been surreal.  I have been re-experiencing some of the feelings that I felt before--the joy, the adventure, the sadness, the uneasiness, the excitement.  But something is missing--the precious people.  Most of my friends that were here last year have moved on.  With the exception of two local friends, I don't know anyone here anymore.  I realizing that place apart from the people is just a place.  What made Chengdu so special and unique was experiencing it with the people He handpicked to be here.  I'm realizing that Jesus dwells in people, not places.  That reminder brings much joy, peace, and healing to my heart. Being here is such a reminder of His faithfulness.  He brought me out of that difficult time and has allowed me to return with shouts of joy.  He is good.  Its good to be here and to relive the memories...and its also good to move on. 

I have a hard time with change.  I have a hard time moving on.  I really struggle with longing for the past and fearing the future.  I have yet to learn how to live in the moment.  Right now, I find myself longing for college and for what I left behind in the last season of life.  I find myself longing to be living in a dorm with all my closest friends.  I find myself embellishing the memories and making them seem "larger than life" when in reality, I know those days were certainly not fairy tales either.  I also find myself feeling anxious about the next steps that I will be taking, some of which are still uncertain. 

Oh me of little faith.  He is faithful to remind me that I am not guaranteed tomorrow and I cannot go back to yesterday.  He has given me this day.  And it is precious. It is the only one of its kind.  And you know what?  He has not changed.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.   In Him there is no variation or shadow due to change.  No matter what yesterday held and no matter what tomorrow brings.  He is the same.

And in that, we can all rejoice.

This is the day that the Lord has made

I will rejoice and be glad in it! 

The Blessing of Family

One of the hardest, most gut wrenching things about living abroad is leaving family behind.  I cringe to think of all the things I "miss" when I'm here at my China home.  I've missed celebrating many birthdays, I've missed our yearly family reunion on the River, I've missed "no reason" gatherings, I've missed many little one's monumental moments.  My heart aches to think of my whole family being together and missing one thing...me.  A familiar pain creeps in my soul when there are difficult or heartbreaking things that I really want to be there for and yet I find myself far, far away.  Its a really helpless feeling to be on the other side of the world when "life happens" and hard days come to those I love.  But its in these moments that I have to consciously offer my loved ones back to our Father and I trust that He is caring for them.  I have to trust that His timing is perfect and that He knew I wouldn't be present.  This is not a surprise to Him.  I also have to remind myself to be thankful.  With modern communication--email, skype, and international calling--I am able to talk with my family often.  I think of those who have gone before me who didn't have such conveniences.  The calling was the same, they still followed Jesus despite the hardships.  I am so thankful for modern technology!

I am also thankful that sweet Jesus has given me another family.  My "China family" is a group of people that I hold so dear to my heart.  He handpicked each of us from different walks of life.  He gave us each different passions and interests.  Our journeys to getting here are all unique.  But here we are, living in this big blue house in the middle of China.  A body of believers united for a common purpose.  It is truly beautiful.  Each Sunday morning we meet at the Martin's apartment for a time of fellowship with our Father and with each other.  This morning as we sat singing a capella hymns, reading Scripture, and praying together I thought to myself, "This is what Jesus meant by the body of Christ."

My mom isn't here to tend to me when I'm sick, but I have friends at my bedside the moment I come down with a simple cold.  My family isn't here to throw me a birthday party, yet I had gifts and a cake and a party from my China family.  We might not have have a biological family to pull together welcome-home parties, yet when one of our family members returns from a trip, they return to signs covering their door and a welcoming brigade waiting in the driveway.  We might miss out on our family gatherings at home, but we have family dinners and olympic-watching parties until the wee hours of the morning.  I am 7000 miles away from my family...and yet I have a family in this house.  I am forever thankful for this sweet blessing.  Family is a gift from God.  And because of Jesus, my family is not confined to genetic makeup.  Anywhere I go, if believers are present, I have family.  And that is an extreme comfort.

Dan, my fellow intern, is returning home to begin another year of college.  To commemorate our priceless summer as one big, happy family we decided to take some family photos.  I was inspired by an "Awkward Family Photo" book that we got my brother for Christmas last year.  I hope you enjoy looking at our photos as much as we enjoyed taking them.  But please don't take them too seriously ;)