Sweet Summertime

I love summertime.  I love everything about it.  Long days, cool mornings, singing birds, melting popsicles, the beach, no school, black bathwater from dirty feet, swimming all day and then being so hungry, watermelon, flip flops, the smell of charcoal, free kid movies, sleeping in, cicadas making a symphony outside your window, bird feeders, wildflowers, fried okra and creamed corn, letting the sun dry your body after swimming, a good beach novel, bright toenails, pony tails, sun-kissed cheeks, sweet tea with extra ice, an early morning walk...I love summertime.

That's why I love our new weekly swim days. There's just nothing quite like naked babies in swim diapers eating popsicles and swimming in the morning sun.  Priceless moments of summertime sweetness. I'm not sure who enjoys it more...the little kiddos...or the big ones :)

A bigger heart

Life is ticking at a shockingly quick pace around here.  A lot of things have happened in my life during the past two weeks..including (but not limited to): getting engaged, saying good bye to my new fiancé for a few months at the least, traveling all the way to and from Hong Kong in one single day, hosting a team of 21 precious students for a week, and having my dear friend Catherine come visit! My heart is full, it really is.  But I'll be honest...I.am.tired.

On top of all the visible busyness, the Lord has been laying new truths on my heart each day.  I am so thankful that He not only reveals more of Himself to me, but that He also walks with me as I process and learn to apply the truths to my life.  Last week, He used two precious girls that were here visiting with their family to teach me more about His heart for the orphan.  Just when I begin to think I have it figured out, He enlarges my understanding and shows me that I have not begun to skim the surface of his heart for the least.

These two girls were adopted from this country just three years ago, at eleven years old.  Their trip last week was their first time back since they were adopted.  I stood in awe of my Savior as I got to talk to these sweet sisters and learn more about their lives before and after their adoption.  They were kind to share with us and to answer the many questions I had.  But what I couldn't help but notice was the sadness in their eyes.

 I tried placing myself in their shoes.  Living in one place for eleven years, it being all you've ever known.  Then, kind strangers come and take you to a foreign place that you are now told is "home".  New faces, new food, new language, new friends...new everything.  Yes, they have a family now...and what a sweet, priceless blessing that is...but I can't help but wonder,...what about everything they left behind?  These two precious girls have a mommy and a daddy and siblings who love them more than life itself, but they also have a China-sized hole in their hearts.  And there is still a wealth of pain that streams from that hole.

Listening to the words of these girls made me realize that the pain and scars of brokenness do not evaporate once a family arrives.  A family is a wonderful mechanism that our Father often uses to facilitate healing.  But only Jesus Christ can heal a shattered heart.  Only He can reveal His own sweetness.  Only He can understand the depths of pain and loneliness.  Only He can see when no one else sees. God's heart for the orphan is bigger than I ever imagined and it stretches farther than just physical adoption into families.  His plan allows for complete restoration of heart, soul, and mind.

And this truth stands firm for everyone.  We have all experienced brokenness and pain.  We are all victims of the Fall, and not one of us has experienced life apart from sin and pain.  Jesus often blesses us with mechanisms of healing--families, friends, counselors, time.  But only JESUS can heal.  Only He can restore.  And only He can breathe fresh life into dull bones.

You know, orphan care is not some compartmentalized section of God's heart.  All of God's heart always comes back to the Gospel.  We are broken people.  We serve a God who heals.  He chooses different ways to heal us from different wounds.

His heart is way bigger than the box I put Him in.

An Evening to Remember

This past week has been overwhelmingly beautiful.  If words would suffice, I could surely write an entire novel.  For those of you who have not heard, my sweet Michael traveled 7,000 miles across the world to ask me to be his bride.  He braved 36 hours of travel, delayed flights, and lots of security checkpoints to finally get to me.  A small portrait of the way my Heavenly Prince pursues me.

Our week together was rich to say the very least! I absolutely loved having him here in my China home with my China family.  I have often dreamed of sitting in baby nurseries with him and watching him with the children who have stolen my heart.  I never knew if that dream would come true.  I think I spent the first three days of his trip in a state of constant teary-ness, overwhelmed by the faithfulness of my God.

On Sunday, we went for an afternoon picnic on river paddle boats.  It was a wonderful start to a wonderful evening.  Afterwards, he told me to dress up as much as I'd like because he had something planned for the evening.  He led me up to the rooftop, one of my favorite spots in the entire building.  It is on this rooftop where I have experienced some of my highest of highs and lowest of lows.  It is here that I have wrestled with the Lord morning after morning and found that He often speaks most clearly in painful circumstances. This rooftop is very special to me.  We turned the corner to find a beautiful scene displayed.  White table cloths, a beautiful bouquet of roses, and dozens of candles swaying in the wind.  Instrumental hymns of adoration and worship were playing gently in the background.  Tears spilled down my face as "Great is Thy Faithfulness" created the undertone for the evening. Truly, He is so faithful!

We sat at the table and he filled our glasses with sparkling cider.  Soon, my sweet friends Rebecca and Mariah appeared.  Rebecca was taking photos and Mariah was serving our homemade meal.  I was once again overcome with emotion to see what lengths these precious ones had gone to simply to serve me.  After a delicious meal of lasagna, bread, and salad, Michael asked me if I wanted to dance.  So there, on the rooftop of the Big Blue House, we put our ballroom dancing skills into action...and we danced.

Soon, Michael whispered in my ear that he had something else to show me.  We walked back around the corner to find two chairs with a small table in the middle.  The lighting was soft and a single white rose waited in my chair.  I sat down and Michael pulled a small bag from under the table.  In the bag was a letter that he read out loud.  Oh friends, Jesus Christ truly does write the sweeter song! His way truly is best! He is the author of romance and a love story scripted by Him can be nothing less than breathtaking.  Before I knew it, my Michael was down on one knee holding the most beautiful ring I've ever seen.  And there, on the rooftop of the Big Blue House, he asked me to be his bride.  And I've never been more overjoyed to let out a resounding y-e-s!

Over the past three years, I have been pursued by a man who loves Jesus more than he will ever love me.  I have watched him give of himself over and over for the sake of those around him.  He has been cautious to guard my heart, prayerfully mulling over each and every word he speaks to me.  He begged Jesus to set the pace of our relationship from day one and has adhered to His gentle voice even when the world said to move faster.  He has treated me as a delicate flower worth protecting.  He has fought for me in prayer more times than I am even aware of.  He has sought counsel from older men in order to gain as much wisdom as possible.  He goal is to bring maximum glory to Jesus Christ, and it has been evident in each step of his pursuit of me. 

I know Jesus better because I have been pursed and loved by Michael.  I have been inspired to chase Jesus with more passion, more abandon, and more faith.  I have seen a small picture of my Heavenly Prince's love for me and how he fights ceaselessly for my heart.

Jesus has been so good to us.  To be here in this Big Blue House that has forever stolen my heart, with my precious kiddos and my sweet China family...I could not imagine a better way to enter into this next season of life.  Jesus Christ is the dream giver and the dream fulfiller.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Psalm 103:1

The Women Behind the Red Shirts

Every day at 7am and 7pm, the nanny shift changes.  If you happen to be looking out the window during that time, you will see a mass brigade of scooters entering and exiting our facility.  All of the nannies change into their uniforms as soon as they arrive and change into their street clothes before leaving.  Watching them leave always makes me smile because I get to see their style, their personality, and their high heels! It reminds me that they do indeed have lives outside of this big blue house.

The other night, Mariah and I speng a long time looking out the window.  We were chuckling as we watched the mass nanny departure.  Then our eyes drifted over the nearby dumpsters.  One of the nanny's on Mariah's floor is also the trash lady.  Tears filled both of our eyes and Mariah told me her story.  In 2009, this woman's husband passed away unexpectedly.  She came home from work that day and he had a headache.  Six hours later, he was gone.  This woman works here all day.  She holds and cares for the sickest children in the building.  Then she gets off  and transitions to being the trash lady.  She sifts through the bags of trash and sorts the recyclable from the non-recyclable and maybe keeps a few treasures for herself.  She loads all the bags into the back of her motorized tricycle and drives it to the dump.  Then she returns home to be Mama to her two girls and Caretaker to her elderly in-laws.  Mariah said she is so grateful for that second job...its her means of survival.

My heart wept as we watched her open each bag.  It made me realize that the women behind those red shirts are real people.  They take care of our babies--yes, but they have babies at home, too.  They are a part of our big family, but they have families and responsibilities outside of this place, too.  I haven't given enough credit to the women behind the red shirts.  Hearing the "trash lady's" story hit my heart in a new way and confirmed an old truth.  We are all hurting people.  Sin has ravished this world and invades the most intimate areas of our lives.  We all feel pain, joy, loss, and happiness.  We all get tired and overwhelmed.  We are all capable of the gravest of sin, and good intentions don't always take us as far as we'd hoped.  We are all in need of a gracious, loving, and forgiving Savior.  We are all desperate and without hope without Him.  And His invitation is for us all. 

He loves the babies in this big blue building.  They are precious in His sight.  But He also loves the women that care for these children day in and day out.  I pray that they feel, know, and understand His love by being here.  

The Small Things

The Lord is my Shepherd;

I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

Psalm  23:1-2

As I sit down to write this post, tears are brimming in my eyes.  I'm not even sure why--pure thankfulness, I guess.  I look back over the verse I just typed with fresh awe.  Awe that is granted by God Himself.  The Lord God Almighty, Yahweh is my Shepherd.  He provides for all my needs.  In Him, I have every good thing.  He alone gives me rest.  He is the Giver of good things.  Oh the sweetness of His Presence! Sweeter than honey to my lips, indeed.  Friends, being surrounded by the precious babies here is amazing.  It is a miraculous gift every single day.  But even the greatest of earthly gifts does not and will never compare to the gift of Himself.  His Presence. His Word. His thoughts.  His nearness. Who am I, that He would choose to be near to me?  But He has chosen to be near to us all.

A few of the foreign staff members here at Maria's have been doing a weekly study on grace.  The first week, the author of the study challenged the readers to learn the art of noticing.  Noticing that His grace surrounds us every single moment of every single day.  Did you wake up this morning?  His grace.  Is your heart still beating at this moment?  His grace.  Do the birds of the air have food today?  His grace.  I read a quote by Oswald Chambers that I then wrote on the little dry erase frame beside my bed.  It says:

What makes God so dear to us is not so much the big blessings, but the tiny things.  Because they show us His amazing intimacy with us.  He knows every detail of each of our individual lives.

I want to notice Jesus in the small things.  I asked myself, "What would happen if I take a moment and slow down?  What if I ask Jesus to reveal Himself to me in every single thing I do?" I pray to begin doing just that. If any of you know me, you know that I absolutely love sprinkles.  I would put sprinkles on everything if I could.  Not because they taste good, or because they really add anything to the food...but because they just make you happy! They are not necessary, but they sure are a blessing when they are present (please don't tell me if you don't agree!).  I carry a little notebook around in my purse, affectionately called my "China Notebook", original name, I know.  In this notebook, I write the names of food I need to remember, I write down the names of people, phone numbers, addresses, and how to say certain phrases in Chinese (example of a conversation I recently memorized for future use: Abby to taxi driver- "Sir, you went the long way so that we'd pay more money.  I understand that you are ripping me off.  I will give you the money, but this is not good").  Well, my notebook now has a new page entitled "His Grace".  This is where I'm recording His sprinkles.  The precious moments that my King grants me, simply for my enjoyment.  The little things He does that remind me that He is near.  The things that wouldn't make my life terrible if they were missing, but they sure are a blessing when they are present.  I want to share this week's list:

Holding a sleeping baby

Warm coffee and a quiet place to meet Him

Feeling "normal"- health

Inside jokes

Nicknames

Hot Showers

Hearing children sing worship songs

A hammock and a warm day

Clean laundry

A new journal

The crunch of a crisp apple

Hugs from kids who are big enough to wrap their legs all the way around you

The amazing thing is that behind each of these sprinkles is a story.  A story of His nearness.  May we be inclined to see and believe. He is everywhere and intricately involved in each detail of our lives.  The other amazing things is that this list will change over time because He gives grace for each moment and each season.  His grace is personalized to every individual need.  And He alone knows what I need.   Friends, do you have a list? I encourage to begin your sprinkle list soon.  :)

We're goin' to the ZOO, ZOO, ZOO!

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.  But if you can't tell...we went to the ZOO!!

Believe

It has been a long, hard week on this side of the sea.  There have been really high moments, filled with smiles and belly laughter.  There have been really low moments, filled with bitter tears and grieving hearts.  But I take heart in knowing that He is the same. He is my Solid Rock, and upon Him I stand.  I am thankful that He can handle my questions, my doubts, and even my anger.  I am thankful that He gives me liberty to wrestle with hard things.  And my only prayer is that at the end of each day, I find myself at the foot of the Cross.  I pray that my heart can be content with leaving some things a mystery while still trusting the One is sovereign over all.  Its a privilege to grapple with things that are at the center of His heart...even when it just plain hurts.  I want to know Him and that means knowing Him when it isn't comfortable, easy, or painless.  I want to know Him. Period.

Yesterday as I was grieving before Him, He gave me the sweetest revelation of His heart for those who are suffering.  He reminded me that Jesus was victim of the greatest injustice of all time.  He understands pain so deep.  He was agonized in every way.  Physically he was beaten and tortured beyond recognition.  Mentally, he was spat upon and mocked.  Emotionally, he was betrayed by every single person he knew.  If anyone, Jesus knows what it feels like to be abandoned.  He wept bitter tears that accompany a broken heart.  Droplets of blood gathered on His  brow and fell from his quivering chin as he begged for intervention.

Surely then, He is near to these suffering children.  Surely He feels their pain in a way that I never can. Perhaps they have something I don't have--not in spite of their suffering, but because of their suffering.  Perhaps they are capable of knowing Him in a deeper, more intimate way than my doubting heart can ever understand. 

What if they know something I don't?  What if they see Him when I can't?  What if they know He's there even when I doubt?  What if, just what if, they sleep through the night without a peep not because they have been trained to do so, but because they're being held by everlasting arms?  What if each time they smile for no reason, its not because their brain is damaged, but because they're seeing angels?  What if they're silently begging me to believe that He is good.  Oh Lord, save me from my unbelief!

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

 I choose to take Him at his word and believe that He is near to his children.  The Creator takes great delight in His masterpieces.