I'm trying to savor every moment. I'm kissing all the precious faces I can, singing "Jesus loves me" thousands of times, rocking sleeping treasures and watching their tiny faces as they dream, all the while trying to hold back the tears. So many emotions are pulsing through my heart. Bottom line: leaving is hard because it forces me to trust Him more. You see, when I'm here...I know they're being kissed and hugged and sung to. I see it with my own eyes. I hear their laughter with my own ears. I touch them with my own hands and hold them in my own arms. But when I'm gone...I have to trust. I have to trust that He loves them more than I will ever be capable of loving. He holds them when no one else is around. He sings them to sleep each and every night. He hears every giggle, He knows every distinct cry, He watches every first wobbly step (while beaming from ear to ear, I'm sure). He is the Father to the fatherless...and He means that literally. And He does.not.need.me. What a relief!
I'm so thankful that I'm leaving them here at Maria's where they are surrounded by people who love Him (and them). I know they will still be showered with kisses and love and they will steal tons more hearts after I leave. I'm just a little sad that I'll be missing those kisses! I'm going to miss the morning hugs. I'm really going to miss the night time play sessions (when they should be in bed). I'm going to miss the chaos of 4th of July parades and fashion shows (with 140 special needs kiddos). I'm going to miss holding Joseph for his afternoon nap. I'm going to miss singing 祝你生日快乐"Happy Birthday to you" over and over and over with Jessica, Judah, and Fahlin...when its no one's birthday. I'm going to miss China. This crazy, lovely country that has stolen my heart.
With that being said, I'm also ecstatic to go home. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could spend 6 months so far away. (I know in the grand scheme of things 6 months isn't that long...but to my home-lovin' heart it sure is!) I can't wait to step off that plane and see familiar faces waiting for me! I can't wait to sleep in my own bed and wake up and drink coffee with my parents. I can't wait to eat some chic-fil-a and have lots of ice in my diet coke. I'm excited to sit with friends and talk for hours. I'm excited to get back to Berry and reunite with precious sisters and brothers. Its going to be good. Leaving is hard, but I'm so thankful that I have a sweet place to go home to. Right now all I can think about is the fact that my babies here don't have that.
I appreciate your prayers and support, sweet warriors! All your encouraging emails and comments really do mean the world to me! Please pray for me these next four days. But more than that, please pray for these little treasures. Please join me in fighting for them.
Abby- SO thankful for your heart to love and serve---those kiddos will miss YOU too! It is hard to leave- I know and will be praying for you! For when you do, a little part of your heart will stay there--I think that is a good thing... as I think about pieces of my heart in Balaclava, Belize and a big chunk in Alaska. God is smiling- as well as those who get to see you get off a plane here. Can't wait to hear the next chapter of what God has in store after you sleep, play and rest a little at home! Blessings and safe travels. :) Karen Fetner
ReplyDeletePraying for you Abby as you prepare...I know this must truly be bitter as you say goodbye to these precious babies, but so sweet as you get to go home. I know your hugs, kisses, songs and love are completely irreplacable, but I am can assure you that I am so incredibly anxious to be there and love on them and promise to send pictures often! I look forward to seeing where the Lord leads you beyond this last year in college!
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