Please forgive my lack of blogging! The last few months have left me in desperation. Desperation for Jesus Christ to infuse me with His strength and to bring about His glory from my weakness. My weakness is so real. My prayer is that I will remain faithful to my King. I am comforted to know that even when I am faithless, He is faithful (2 Tim 2:13).
So today, I find myself snuggled in a big yellow chair with Christmas music humming softly in the background. I am beginning the process of sorting through the past five months of my life. I've been home for almost a month, but I have not had a free moment to sit and...well, just sit. But to be honest, I've been avoiding this moment.
Because with this moment comes much grieving. I'm grieving because a season of life might be over forever. I'm grieving the many, many babies who went to be with Jesus over the summer. I'm grieving the ones who are so very sick that each moment just might be their life. I'm grieving the ones who are left behind, simply waiting for the day when they'll have something, anything to call their own. I'm grieving because I'm no longer with them and my arms are simply left with the memory of their warmth and weight. I'm grieving because my precious Granddaddy is now with Jesus and although the thought brings much comfort...I miss him more than I thought possible. I'm grieving because life is not always full of fuzzy feelings. Reality is that sometimes the hard days outweigh the easy ones by a large measure.
This summer, the Lord was kind to open my eyes to His work in the details. I watched children who were supposed to die be united with their forever families. I heard of God providing money where there was literally no money left. I watch Him move mountains so that a little one could receive life-saving surgery. I watched planes be on time and lost luggage be found (which in China, is huge!). I watched medicine miraculously be found and life be revived. I remember sitting down one day and shouting praise to my King, saying, "Lord, you are for them! You really are for them!!!"
And I remember one of my sweet friends looking at me in that moment and saying, "Abby, He's for you, too." Indeed, if God is for me, then please tell me...who can be against me? No one and nothing.
Oh, satan will try. Yes, He will try to weasel in. He will try to discourage and deflate. He will twist my view so that the outlook seems bleak and dreary. He will trick me into feeling sorry for myself. He will convince me that my God is not as good as I think He is. He will desperately try anything to take my eyes off Jesus.
But he simply will not win.
And in that truth, we find great hope! The victory has been won! In Jesus Christ, there is hope for the orphan. There is grace for the sinner. There is victory for the battle. There is the promise that we will meet again. So even in the midst of tears, questions, heartache, and dreariness. We cling and we know that every ounce of suffering is temporary. What a beautiful truth.
Thank you for journeying with me, dear ones. Your prayers, emails, calls, notes, and encouragement have meant more to me than you can ever imagine. The Lord has used each of you to strength me and give me grace for the journey.
I will leave you with a few pictures from my last week with the kiddos. Priceless memories are a Grace from our Father.
With much love,