The Low Days

Yesterday was one of those days, dear ones.  A day where giving up seems like the best option.  A day where the tears will not cease to flow, despite the sunshine outside.  A day where the faithfulness of God seems like a theological concept rather than a reality.  At the time, these days seem like monstrous clouds looming overhead threatening to drown you at any moment with a flood of grief.  Its hard to know where to go or what to do.   Its in these moments when a tiny utterance for "help" almost seems like too much. 

Its at these moments where all we can do is crawl up in His lap and know that He is there.  Even when our hearts may not feel the imminent Presence.  In my darkest hour of pain and doubt and weeping, He is there and He is still God.  In my moments of ecstasy and celebration, He is there and He is still God.  Even when my lips question and my soul grows faint, He is there and He is still God.  And He alone can sustain a weary soul.

Yesterday was a breaking point.  I was questioning all I know to be true.  I was doubting my ability to move forward at all.  I felt paralyzed, like I could just give up. I felt like its just too hard and I don't have the ability, nor the will power to keep going.  It was an awful, terrible feeling and a scary place to be.  But necessary.

Why necessary?  Unless I continually come to the end of myself, the end of my ability to keep going, and to the end of all confidence in myself, then I can never experience the fullness of His Spirit's power enabling me to do what I feel is impossible.  My weakness is His springboard for infusing me with strength.  And then He Alone gets the glory...not Abby.  Praise be to Jesus--the lifter of my head, my Savior, Protector, Provider, and Most High King. 

May we not be afraid of following Him to our places of utter weakness.  And may be not be afraid of those moments of tears and despair.  For it is in these moments of tension, pain and confusion that He sometimes speaks most clearly.

"God can never make us into wine if we object to the fingers He chooses to use to crush us."

-Oswald Chambers