Hard Places

Yes, I realize its been almost two weeks since I've written a blog.  I'm not even sure if anyone is still following me! Its not that I have a lack of things to say..trust me, I have more things to talk about than ever before in my life! Its just trying to sift through all my experiences and emotions and then turn it into a somewhat comprehensible post...its takes time and prayer! Haha!

And the other thing is...well, I'm tired of writing about how hard my life is right now.  I really really want to write a purely positive, encouraging post about how everything here is just hunky dory.  I want to tell you that all my days are filled with sunshine and shouts of joy. So, when I don't have those things to report, its hard to make myself sit down and write to you.  But, then I remember the promise I made when I first started this blog.  And that was to be honest, vulnerable, and raw.  Who am I to pretend that I have it all together?  My greatest desire is for you to see my weaknesses.  Because its only in my weakness that He can be strong.  I want you to see that the very same God who is with me on the mountaintop also holds me in the valleys.  And the same is true for your lives too, my sweet friends.  He is so faithful.  If you don't hear anything else from my blog, please hear this.  He.is.so.stinkin.faithful.  And we can trust Him.  Even when there seem to be more bad days than good days.  Even when there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  Even when an hour of crying becomes a part of your daily routine.  He.is.the.same....period.

Last week I wrote about being brought to the end of myself.  It has been a sweet, painful realization to have.  But at the same time, liberating.  I feel weaker than ever before.  But this is exactly where He wants me.  Because only in this place am I totally empty to be filled by Him.  His Word says,

For this says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy; "I dwell in the High and Holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite" Isaiah 57:15

Oh to be revived by the Almighty! This is my prayer.  This past week, I have spent more time on my knees weeping before my King than ever before in my life.  I desire nothing more than to cry out to Him in my despair. And truly, His Spirit is the only thing that can comfort a weary soul. This is what I've always prayed for, this utter desperation, but I never realized it would be so painful. My joy is lacking, my perseverance is swaying, and my attitude is not-so-beautiful some days. I don't know how to describe it though, because somehow, it is a sweet pain.  Because I'm learning that He.is.so.real.  More real than I could have ever imagined. 

I'm not sure how much of the gory details to share on my blog.  I want to be as vulnerable as possible, but I also realize that this is a public website.  But I want to leave you with this thought as I wrestle though tough days:  Please, don't be afraid to follow HIM into hard places.  When I signed up to come here, I knew it would be hard. But I really couldn't prepare for the loneliness I would feel some days.  I couldn't prepare for what it would feel like to hold dying orphans in my arms.  I couldn't prepare for how I'd feel after visiting temples where thousands of people are worshiping idols.  But you know what? He knew. And He has been absolutely more than I could ever ask for.  He truly is enough.  HE NEVER CHANGES, friends.  Everything in our lives have the potential to change.  Everything.  But not the King we serve.  And I'm learning that every single hard place has been ordained by Him to refine us into His likeness. Its called sanctification--and its a privilege to be refined into the image of our King.  Are you willing to follow Him into the hard places?  Please, don't be afraid.   He who has called you is completely trustworthy to finish what He started.   He is faithful to catch every tear that falls from your face.  He is faithful to hear every cry of, "Help me, help me, help me."  He is faithful to hold your trembling body in His secure arms.  I want to know that He is enough.  We can trust Him to prove it to us.

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer, from the end of the earth I call to you.  When my heart is faint.  Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.  Psalm 61:1-3

P.S- I covet and appreciate your prayers more than you know.  It is so sweet and comforting to have a BODY of like-minded souls to hold us up when we are weary.  And please let me know of specific ways I can lift you up, dear brothers and sisters.  It is my privilege to come before my King with requests on behalf of my family.  I'm learning that now more than ever.