Believe

It has been a long, hard week on this side of the sea.  There have been really high moments, filled with smiles and belly laughter.  There have been really low moments, filled with bitter tears and grieving hearts.  But I take heart in knowing that He is the same. He is my Solid Rock, and upon Him I stand.  I am thankful that He can handle my questions, my doubts, and even my anger.  I am thankful that He gives me liberty to wrestle with hard things.  And my only prayer is that at the end of each day, I find myself at the foot of the Cross.  I pray that my heart can be content with leaving some things a mystery while still trusting the One is sovereign over all.  Its a privilege to grapple with things that are at the center of His heart...even when it just plain hurts.  I want to know Him and that means knowing Him when it isn't comfortable, easy, or painless.  I want to know Him. Period.

Yesterday as I was grieving before Him, He gave me the sweetest revelation of His heart for those who are suffering.  He reminded me that Jesus was victim of the greatest injustice of all time.  He understands pain so deep.  He was agonized in every way.  Physically he was beaten and tortured beyond recognition.  Mentally, he was spat upon and mocked.  Emotionally, he was betrayed by every single person he knew.  If anyone, Jesus knows what it feels like to be abandoned.  He wept bitter tears that accompany a broken heart.  Droplets of blood gathered on His  brow and fell from his quivering chin as he begged for intervention.

Surely then, He is near to these suffering children.  Surely He feels their pain in a way that I never can. Perhaps they have something I don't have--not in spite of their suffering, but because of their suffering.  Perhaps they are capable of knowing Him in a deeper, more intimate way than my doubting heart can ever understand. 

What if they know something I don't?  What if they see Him when I can't?  What if they know He's there even when I doubt?  What if, just what if, they sleep through the night without a peep not because they have been trained to do so, but because they're being held by everlasting arms?  What if each time they smile for no reason, its not because their brain is damaged, but because they're seeing angels?  What if they're silently begging me to believe that He is good.  Oh Lord, save me from my unbelief!

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

 I choose to take Him at his word and believe that He is near to his children.  The Creator takes great delight in His masterpieces.