Why China? Part One

I figure before I share any deep, philosophical thoughts about life, I should probably fill you in about why I'm going to China in the first place.  Be warned, this post has the potential to become lengthy. 

God first starting placing China on my heart when I was probably in the 11th grade.  I honestly have no idea where it came from, but all of the sudden I found myself becoming fascinated with Asian culture, people, and specifically...orphans.  The Lord was so sweet to place people and circumstances in my path that further shaped my passion for Chinese orphans.

Fast forward three years.  During my freshman year of college, I felt the irrepressible tug that this was the summer I was going to finally go to China.  I prayed and prayed and no opportunities came up.  But I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going...somehow, some way.  I'll never forget February 13 2009, when I received the email informing me that Show Hope was taking a group of young people to China for two weeks. I knew immediately...this was it.  I filled out my application as fast as possible and before I knew it, I was on a plane with 20 complete strangers (who soon became dear friends) and we were headed to China.  Tears filled my eyes when our plane touched down in Beijing.  Oh, my Jesus is so faithful.  He always completes what he starts.  Those two weeks were breathtaking.  Those of you who traveled with me in prayer...thank you.  I will never forget the first time I held an orphan in my arms.  It's one thing to talk about the 147 million orphans in the world.  It's another thing to hold one in your arms, to touch their tiny hands, to hear their little giggles.  I saw Jesus like never before, and I'll never be the same.

When I got home from China, my life was a whirlwind.  I moved back to college two days after I got home (wasn't even over the jet lag yet!).  I was an emotional wreck.  I had to go back.  I didn't care how...I just knew I had to get back.  The next few months were filled with my trying every possible avenue I could think of in order to get back to China.  I enrolled in a Chinese language course at a nearby college (my college doesn't offer Chinese) and promised myself I'd be back in China in a few months.  Well, strangely enough, every opportunity fell through.  I was so frustrated! "God, don't you want me to go back to China?" During that time, my advisor suggested that I look into studying abroad.  Nope. Never. Not me. One thing I've learned....  Don't ever say to yourself, "God would never tell me to do that"...He does. He might. He did! As I look back, I am again in awe of God's faithfulness.  You see, I had allowed China to become my goal.  I had fixed my eyes upon China and decided that I would not be satisfied until I went back.  This.is.sin.  God has placed a desire in my heart for China, yes.  But China is not my goal.  Orphan care is not my goal.  Jesus Christ is my goal.  Period.  When I allow a particular place or a cause to become my focus...then all of the sudden, Jesus becomes a means to an end. This.is.sin. Jesus is the end.  If my eyes are fixed on a place, on a thing, on a person, on a relationship (even if these are GOOD things), but not on JESUS...this.is.sin.  Jesus humbled me.  He said to me, "Sweet Child, I WANT TO BE YOUR GOAL. I want to be your beginning.  I want to be your end.  I want to go before you.  I want to follow you.  I want to hem you in.  I want to consume you. Please... follow me"  So, whether that means following Jesus to Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, Africa, Peru, or...China...Jesus is the focus.  When our eyes are fixed on Jesus, all other things can and will fall into place from there.

I'm ending this post here.  I will finish the story next time.  I just need to allow these words to sink into my heart again.  Jesus has been so sweet to fulfill the deepest desire of my heart by allowing me to go back to China. Not because I deserve it. Not because I have it all together.  Not because He needs me.  But because He loves me. And He allows me to be part of His incredible journey.  Could He be any sweeter? I don't think so.