Full Circle

His grace is abundant and astounding and never ceases to leave me speechless.  Last year, my heart was knitted together with a sweet little boy.  When I met this sweet little boy, he was 5 months old.  He weighed no more than 7 pounds.  The tiniest thing you ever did see.  He loved to suck two fingers on his fight hand.  I was captivated. 

Almost every day over the next two and a half months, I would go into his nursery around nap time.  I would peek in the window to make sure his crib was empty.  Then, I'd sneak over and find him lying on the play mats or in one of this nanny's arms.  I would scoop him up and begin singing. We'd rock and sway and sing and pray.   

There is a Name I love to hear, I love to sing His praise.  It sounds like music in my ear, the sweetest Name on earth.  Oh how I love Jesus.  Oh how I love Jesus.  Oh how I love Jesus.  Because He first loved me.

And as we rocked, I would cry out to my King, begging him to provide a family for this little one.  I prayed that He was molding this little baby into a mighty man of God.  I prayed that his heart would be guarded from evil.  I talked to him.  I told him how much he was loved. I told him how much his Heavenly "Ba Ba" cared for him.  And I prayed that one day, he would know the Person about which we were singing. And every day, my heart became just a little more wrapped up in this treasure. By the time I left last summer, this tiny, malnourished baby was a plump butterball of smiles. Absolutely breathtaking in every way.

This past week, His grace overflowed in my life in a truly life-changing way.  I saw the story of redemption play out before my very eyes as my specific prayers were answered one by one.  And He allowed me to witness it all.  They pulled up to the big house and I could hardly breathe.  I saw them step out of the van--a Daddy, a Mommy, a big Sister, and a big Brother--and there among them, my precious one.  Tears of thankfulness and joy spilled onto my cheeks as I met them in the driveway.  I was almost too overwhelmed to speak.  There he was, the baby that I had cried for and prayed for...and he was no longer an orphan. 

We had a delightful visit together.  I couldn't be happier for sweet baby boy.  His family is precious and they were handpicked just for him.  But the tick of the clock got louder and louder as the time approached when we would have to say good-bye...forever.  I hugged him with all the strength in my body and I whispered a prayer of thankfulness as I let him go.

I choked back the sobs as I watched them drive away.  I felt a now-familiar pain pounding in my heart.  Its the realization that the baby I loved is not mine.  The baby I loved belongs to another mommy.  I knew he would never be "mine" and oh, how fervently I prayed that God would give him an earthly mama.  This family is the answer to my prayers.  But it hurts to see him go.  And I know this is not the last time I will feel this hurt.

In Christ, we have the capacity to love and to love hard--without guardedness and without reservation.  And we can trust Him to heal our hearts each time another one is taken away.  Whether that means taken to a Heavenly home, an earthly home, or anywhere else.  I am so thankful this story has a happy ending.  To God alone be the Glory.

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.  God sets the solitary in a home; He leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.

Psalm 68:5-6