Bittersweet....

My time at Berry College is coming to an end.  All semester, I've been looking forward to classes finally being over, and now that its almost here, I'm just not sure how I feel about it.  We had our annual "Christmas in the Castles" party tonight where all the residents in the Ford dorms come out for homemade snacks (made by the wonderful RA staff that I have the privilege of being a part of), Christmas music and good ole fellowship.  After the party, the RA staff exchanged secret santa gifts...so fun! (RA means Resident Assistant if you aren't up on college lingo!)  But I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness.  Because after next week, I will no longer be an RA at Ford.  I will be packing up my room and moving out.  I've known this was coming all semester. . . but its still hard. 

I think the biggest thing that has hit me about my leaving in two weeks is the fact that life here will go on.  All my friends will come back next semester.  There will be fun gatherings, Bible studies, and late night pillow talks.  There will be study sessions, coffee breaks, and trips to Atlanta.  Life here will continue as normal...I just won't be a part of it.  Okay, so that may be a little over dramatic.  I know I'm coming back eventually.  I still have a whole year left at Berry after China...but right now, it feels so real.  I feel like I'm going to "miss out" on so much.  And in a way, I will.  But I have to keep asking myself "What really matters?"  All of those things that I mentioned are wonderful and are sweet blessings from Jesus.  But they are not the entirety of my life.  Those activities and relationships do not complete me.  Jesus does. 

It's really easy to say "Jesus is enough!"  I let those words roll off my tongue so flippantly.  I sing about it, I talk about it, and I even tell Jesus that He is enough for me.  But do I mean it? If everything else was stripped away from me, would Jesus still be enough?  If I found myself without friends, family, food, shelter, clothing...would Jesus still be enough?  If I was facing intense suffering, persecution and death...would Jesus still be enough?  Oh, how I long for the answer to that question to be a resounding "Yes!"  I want to be able to say without a shadow of doubt or hesitation, "Yes, Jesus is all I need."  So, even though today was hard...Even though my emotions are going haywire...Even though I kind of want to turn around and run the other way...I want to know that Jesus is enough.  He is, my friends, He is.  And if He has to take me to the far side of the sea to prove it to me...I say let's go. 

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, 

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73: 25-26