Sunny Day

I am writing to you on a beautiful, sunny Sunday.  Sunny days are apparently very rare here, so everyone is overjoyed to see Mr. Sun peeking from behind the smog-filled sky.  The temperature is absolutely perfect and my dorm room is the only one on my hall that has a balcony.  So, as I type this, the breeze is blowing, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing.  A perfect Sunday afternoon if you ask me.

The past week has been wonderful.  It has indeed gone by very s-l-o-w, but that's not necessarily a negative thing.  :)  My days have been much brighter since I last wrote, and the bouts with homesickness have been fewer.  My Best Friend has introduced me to some wonderful, like-minded friends.  We have been meeting early in the mornings to hand out and discuss our walks through this journey called life.  It has been such sweet time.  Much needed, indeed.  On Friday, a new sweet friend named Amanda showed me around the city.  It was fun to have a lady-led tour, complete with info on all the best shopping stops.  We ended our tour with a stop at Starbucks, where we sat for hours and shared stories and offered encouragement.  It was fun on so many levels.  She has been such a gift--showing me all the little secrets of life here.  That night, we met up with some other friends and walked down a very festive, traditional street in the city.  We laughed and joked all evening.  I am so thankful that my best friend introduced me to these precious people...and so soon into my journey.

Yesterday, some girls and I went to the Women's Market.  Its basically a huge building with TONS of little booths selling all things women.  You name it, they have it.  Scarves, headbands, earrings, leggings, purses, clothes, shoes, etc.  The place was a ZOO! We had to push and shove our way through the crowds.  And you have to bargain there, so it was a little intimidating for me.  It was a great experience though :) I got two scarves for about $5 woop woop!  Then, we met up with some guy friends for tea and dinner.  That night, we went to English Corner. It meets in a coffee shop on Saturday nights and Chinese people can come to practice their English.  It was such a cool time.  Sitting in a cute shop drinking coffee and having good conversation is my idea of a great evening!  I hope to go back often and build relationships with the regulars.  I met one PRECIOUS girl named Kathy.  I don't think precious even describes her! We talked for a long time, and I look forward to getting to know her better in the weeks ahead!

This morning we attended an international fellowship.  It was amazing.  There, I met a family from Atlanta! They've lived here for eight years and have two children in highschool.  We exchanged phone numbers and hopefully will meet up sometime in the near future! I am just so overwhelmed by his sweetness. :) And there were lots of adopted kiddos there, which just tickled me to pieces! This afternoon, Amanda and I went on a walk around campus.  I took my camera out to take some pictures on this beautiful sunny day. We bought some yummy-looking fruit at a nearby stand and then came across a little knitting shop! I stopped in and bought some yarn.  The woman was so nice and even gave me some free knitting needles! I couldn't talk to her very well, but I hope to go back and become friends with her.  Maybe she can teach me some new knitting skills :) 

School starts tomorrow morning! I am excited and nervous, but so ready!  Thank you so much for the continued thoughts and encouragement.  I can never tell you how much it means!!

 Here are some pictures of my dorm room!

My little bathroom

My entryway

These are the masses of people outside the women's market!

Me amist those masses

My new friend Kathy...precious precious girl.

Ps- I'm changing a few things about my blog,  but any of you who know me know who my best friend is! :)

With love from the far side!

Oh China!

The dorm cat :)

The top balcony is mine!

The international student dormitory

The BIG trash pile that sits in front of the little market we call "trash market"

Delicious fruit inside the trash market

I always hang sausage with my clothing...don't you?  Ohh China...

One of the kindergartens on campus

Rickshaw! My favorite form of transportation so far...

Oh China...

The sports building

This picture reminds me of my mommy--flowers and cooking

My new sweet friend, Amanda

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

Psalm 118:1

Dorm Cats, Crowded buses, and Bao zi!

Well, I'm finally in Chengdu! All this planning and anticipating and I'm finally here. We arrived in Chengdu on Monday afternoon and were met at the airport by a few Chinese students.  They brought us straight to the dorms so we could settle in a bit.  The dorms are....very Chinese.  I'm not sure what I was expecting exactly, but this is a bit of an adjustment.   We have a dorm cat who roams the halls and tries to get into our rooms...that's kind of fun I guess! Haha. Its not bad, really.  I suppose I'm just very used to my life of luxury.  I am thankful for the opportunity to be stretched.

The campus is huge.  It will definitely be a few weeks before we can navigate our way around.  The first night we made the first trip to Trust Mart (sort of like a Chinese Wal-mart).  I was able to buy lots of things for my room.  I'm trying to make it as "homey" as possible.  Its a challenge, but totally possible!  I'll give you some pictures when I get all settled.  A friend and I took a rickshaw home from trustmart.  My first authentic rickshaw ride...the first of many, I'm sure!

Mornings have been really hard for me since I came to China.  Its really strange because mornings are usually my favorite time of day.  They always have been.  And I hate that the enemy has had the pleasure of stealing my joy first thing in the morning.  My quiet times with my Best Friend have been sweet, but as soon as I leave that safe place, I feel as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  Reality hits.  I am in China, very very very far from anything familiar.  I don't speak Chinese.  I miss my family. You get the idea... Tuesday was especially bad.  I could have curled up and cried all day.  Please pray for me, sweet friends, regarding this homesickness.  It comes and goes whenever it pleases, but when it comes, its paralyzing.  I'm in one of the most populated countries in the world, but I've never felt so lonely.  But I am not alone.  Underneath are the Everlasting Arms...and they are holding me fast.

But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.  For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress.

 Psalm 59:16

Classes start on Monday.  I think getting into a daily routine will help a lot.  It looks like the class load is going to be pretty intense.  We will have language class every morning for about 4 hours.  Then the culture classes in the afternoons.  I will let you know my actual schedule once I know for sure.  I'm really excited about starting the language classes.  Its been quite comical trying to navigate through the city with virtually no language skills! The locals laugh, point and take pictures...but for good reason!  :)

We've done lots of walking.  Wednesday, we took a public bus to the downtown area.  Its an awesome city! I loved walking around and getting a taste of city life.  Riding a bus was quite an experience for me.  Being from a small town, I've never used public transportation.  I'm pretty sure there were 500+ plus people on one of the buses we took.  When you enter China, you have to leave personal space and germo-pobia at the door!  I bought a bus pass yesterday, so I will probably be a frequent bus user.  :) 

I have a new favorite food.  Bao zi.  Its a yummy steamy bun with meat (and stuff) inside.  SO DELICIOUS! Yesterday I ate 8 bao zis.   Yep, thats right--8.  Good thing I'm walking a lot! Hah! My new saying, "Bao zi makes my world go round!"  And its so cheap...approximately 30 cents for 3 bao zis. And its available everywhere! Mmmmmm...

Also, all my sweet warriors will be so happy to know that my best friend has once again been so faithful in providing friends.  I have met a handful of like-minded friends.  One is a precious sister...I spotted her at the airport and knew immediately that she was placed here for me.  What a blessing! I have enjoyed getting to know her these past few days and look forward to a semester of growing with her, in him.  He never ever ever ever fails.  My best has been sweeter than ever.  I cannot tell you how many times I've said, " I can't do this. I can't do this."  And each time, He gently wraps His arms around me and says, "Yes you can, my Child.  Yes you can.  Feel my arms?  I am your strength." 

My life is not easy right now.  But I didn't sign up for easy.  I signed up to know him. He is the goal.  I just had a precious friend remind me, "Like you've told me quite a few times... its never gunna be easy!! so, just keep your eyes on the prize and you'll get there."  He is the prize, and knowing Him is worth the fight!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of wittnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

 I am loving China so far.  I am being stretched more than ever, and its a blessing.  But this is so real.  Its totally worth it.

My new friend near a beautiful street in Chengdu.  The lights are there year round!

Hello Sweet Friends and Prayer Warriors,

Were to begin?  My life has been a whirlwind the past few days.  But a good whirlwind. Before I begin telling about my new journey in Beijing with the other study abroad students, I want to finish up a few last thoughts from my time at Maria’s. 

I had a wonderful last few days there.  Caitlin (the preschool  intern) and I took a long walk one day to a yarn market.  After we discovered that we both enjoyed knitting, the yarn market was a must.  We barely made it back home before it began snowing.  Then we spent the afternoon watching movies and knitting.  Anyone who knows me knows that this was the perfect afternoon! (Baby noises in the background only added to the fun!).  The next day, I went with Mariah and a few of the other nurses to go grocery shopping.  It was quite the experience!  They also took me to a market so I could get wall stickers for my dorm room…an effort to make it as homey as possible.  That evening, I spent over two hours in my "anchor" baby room.  Pure joy.  The kiddos get more and more precious every time I go in there.   Little Fahlin was glued to my lap the whole time.  I wish I could hold her forever.  I began to pray.  And pray.  And pray.  It’s sort of cool when no one can understand me because I can pray out loud about anything I want and no one knows! Hah!   I prayed for supernatural healing.  I prayed that this little girl will know Jesus.  I prayed that she will grow into a woman who fears the Lord.  I prayed that God will provide a family.  I prayed that she will know what it feels like to finally have something to call her own.  And then I sang.  I sang “I believe that You’re my Healer. I believe You are all I need.  You’re more than enough for me.”  Because the truth is, Jesus is all she needs.  This precious little girl does not need me.  She does not need any human being.  She needs Jesus.  And you know what?  Jesus does not need me either.   I think a lot of the reason that I become so overwhelmed is because I begin thinking that somehow Jesus needs me to solve the whole orphan crisis.  Not true.  Jesus Christ, the God of the Universe, the King of all Kings, the Creator of Heaven and Earth does not need Abby.  He can do this whole thing without the help of any mortal human.  But in His sweetness and sovereignty, He allows me to be a part of His work.  He chooses to use me.  And it’s a privilege.   And I am so thankful.  The other thing I realized while I was holding Fahlin in my arms is this—one.  This is one little girl.  One precious princess.  One little heartbeat.  One personality.  One treasure.  She is unique.  She is fearfully and wonderful made by the master Creator Himself.  She is one.  It’s oh so easy to become sucked into the overwhelming reality of 147+ orphans in the world.  And while it is good to know the realities, it’s also good to remember the one.   Fahlin is one. That evening I prayed for one.  Every orphan who receives a family is one less orphan.  And that’s a miracle. 

So my prayer is that God will give us the grace to focus on one while still holding the millions in our hearts.  Because the millions are made up of ones.  Lots of ones.  Will you join me in praying for one?  In advocating for one?  In giving one a family?

Here are a few pics from my last day with the kiddos

Sweet Little David.  A slobbery little bundle who loves to love!

Sweet Jessica

Judah, you make me smile.  Ni hao, ni hao!

Oh Issac.  This child is joy wrapped in a human body.

Leaving Maria’s was hard.  I am so glad to know that Jesus is taking me back there for the summer.   I am so thankful that I listened to His nudging to go early.  But now I am on to a new journey.  This journey is totally and completely out of my comfort zone.  But there’s a certain sweetness to being far from comfortable.  I met the other study abroad students on Thursday evening.  There are ten of us altogether—3 girls and 7 boys.  Quite the opposite of Berry College where the girl to guy ratio is 3:1!  It has been fun getting to know everyone in our group.  We’ve spent lots of time talking and laughing.  One thing I love about China is meal time.  Meals are very long and drawn out and everyone sits around a round table.  They bring out the dishes one by one (so you have to pace yourself!).  A single meal can take two hours or more.  But I love it!  Its time to be still and enjoy the people you’re with.  And it’s a great time to become friends with 9 strangers!   

We’ve done lots of sightseeing.  Yesterday started with an authentic Tai Chi lesson in the morning, then we headed to Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City.  We ended the evening with an acrobat show and delicious dinner.  It’s still hard to believe I’m finally here!  Today we visited the Great Wall.  It was a perfect day complete with blue skies.  The temperature was perfect for climbing—a little chilly but not freezing.  The great wall takes my breath away (both literally and figuratively! Hah…I was huffing and puffing climbing all those stairs!).  After the wall, we ate lunch and visited the temple of heaven which includes a Chinese park in the outskirts. The park was the coolest thing I’ve ever been to! It’s like a playground for adults!  There were elderly people everywhere exercising on the equipment! They loved having us there.  So fun!  We then visited a tea room and got to taste lots of yummy tea.  The day ended with a traditional meal of Peking Duck.  Mmmm…

I’ll be honest, I’ve had my ups and downs.  I am so happy to be here in China.  But I just never imagined I would be here with a group of college students… to study.  It’s sort of funny when I think about it actually.  God is just hilarious.  I suppose we’re the hilarious ones actually…thinking we have everything all planned out.  But I’ve been thinking.  And you know what?  Jesus didn’t come only to the people who “deserved” Him.  He didn’t come only to the small, innocent children.  He didn’t come only to the helpless orphans.  Jesus came for all mankind.   So I cannot isolate myself either.  Jesus came for all, and He commands me to go to all.  And He goes with me every step of the way. 

It’s new and exciting.  I love you all and appreciate your prayers.  I can seriously feel them.  My mom is sure to tell me when someone asks about me or tells her they are praying for me.  It’s humbling and sweet.  I could not do this without your prayers.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Update

Hello sweet friends and prayer warriors,

Just a quick update.  I arrived safely in Beijing!  My flight this morning was quite uneventful, which is a good thing. (Side note: the seat beside me was empty a-g-a-i-n!)  I was the only western person on the entire plane, which is kind of fun!  Mikey was in Beijing for work, so he met me for lunch, which was a nice little outing!  He dropped me back at the airport where I hung out at starbucks for a few hours while I waited for the rest of the study abroad students.  I met up with them with no problems.  We arrived at our hostel around 10 pm and now we're getting settled in and geared up for the next few days.  We'll be here until Monday.

I'm feeling very out of my comfort zone.  I'm missing the babies and the familiar of Maria's.  But I am excited for whats to come.  Different is good...and this is definitely different.  I will greatly appreciate your prayers over the next few days/weeks, dear ones.  It is such a comfort to have a band of prayer warriors following my journey.  I'll try to do a real post soon.  I still have lots on my heart, but life is about to get crazy! I'm sure things will settle down when I get to school.

Lots of love from the far side!

I am my Beloved's...

And He is Mine!

Song of Solomon 6:3 

Hallelujah, what a Savior we serve.  I call the King of the universe my Beloved.   That He would look upon me, a guilty, dirty rotten sinner and call me Beloved will always astound me.  Jesus, thank you for being my ultimate Valentine.

Valentine's Day here at the Big House is a pretty big deal, well all holidays are actually.  Sweet Mariah, one of the (heroic) nurses serving here at Maria's went out of her way to make this Valentine's day extra special.  She prepared a wonderful breakfast with delicious scones (with pink sprinkles), pink pudding, pink whipped cream, pink milk, pink candy...etc.  She also decorated the table with beautiful flowers and candy arrangements complete with  red and pink candles.  Some of the other staff members went out of their way to make cards and goody packets for all the staff and volunteers.  Our celebration felt just like home! We all gathered together for a mid morning brunch to celebrate the holiday.  Mom, I told Mariah that you would be so glad to know that I did indeed get valentine goodies today. :)   

Needless to say, I felt warm and fuzzy all day.  Not to mention that I got to chat on the phone with two of my best friends and my sweet grandparents.  And don't forget the slobber kisses and baby giggles I got to indulge in.  Gooooood day!

The past few days have been pretty eventful and fun.  On Friday, a few of us loaded up in the van and headed to Jiaozuo, where another New Hope/Show Hope unit is located.  Its about a two hour drive away.  On the way there, Mikey realized he had taken the wrong exit.  So naturally, he proceeded to put the van in reverse and move backwards toward the interstate (side note: we were already about 2 miles down the exit ramp.  Chinese exit ramps are very long!)  "You just don't want to get lost in China..." was his excuse.  "Just let me know if there's a car coming and I'll honk."  Great words of wisdom.  So there we are, going backwards up the exit ramp, amidst oncoming traffic honking incessantly .  We suggested that he make a u-turn and at least go forward in the wrong direction.  Great idea! Obviously we made it safely back to the interstate, but we were all left saying, "Only in China...."  :)  The day at Jiaozuo was fun.  It was neat to see another unit...it felt like a mini-Maria's.  

On Saturday, two precious women arrived for the weekend.  They have spent 2 weeks volunteering at a foster home in Beijing.  These women were such a gift from my Heavenly Daddy.  On Sunday, we spent countless hours talking, crying, praying, crying, reading the Bible, crying, and crying some more.  It was sweet and cleansing for my soul.  Kim and Angie, you are true angels.  Your sweet and gentle spirits ministered to my soul in a way that only God can ordain.  I am forever thankful!

Why were we crying you might ask?  Well sweet friends, we were crying for lots of reasons.  We were crying because the plight of the orphan is so humongous that we feel helpless. Not hopeless--but helpless for sure.  We look around and see all these precious, priceless treasures and we wonder "why God?"  We wonder if we're really helping them by coming here.  Because I can love on them while I'm here...but then I leave.  Just like every other person in their life.  We cried because this is reality.  Its staring us in the face...and it seems unbearable at times.  We cried at the lack of passion for orphan care.  We cried for the comments we've heard. "Oh, I'll adopt after I have my own kids.  We would adopt if it wasn't so expensive.  God just hasn't called us to adopt, but its great what you're doing.  I don't know if I could love an adopted child like I love my own."  And while I understand that these comments are not made out of  cruelty or hard-hardheartedness, when I'm staring at a child in the face as if to say, "No, mommy isn't coming today..." I just cannot be sympathetic to excuses.  These are human beings. They are children. They are fearfully and wonderfully made by the master Creator Himself.  They are not a tourist attraction or a sad story on television.  They are real.   And if we won't act for them, who will?  No one will.  And that is reality.  They don't understand our excuses.

And I will not be shameful of the tears.  Anyone that has talked to me in the past few days will tell you...my heart is full.  But you know what?  These children deserve to be cried for.  They deserve my tears and pain.  When I cry, my mama usually cries too, because a mother feels the pain of her child in a way no one else can.  Well these babies don't have that.  Most of them have never had tears shed on their behalf.  So I will cry shamelessly.  And my prayer is that the Body of Christ as a whole will begin crying for these children. May the Father of the fatherless grip our hearts and give us an urgency to act quickly.  While we're sitting around praying about whether we should get involved--they are dying.  They are spending one more day alone and hopeless.  They are going to bed one more night in a place that is not home.  They are ceasing to cry because they know that when they cry, nothing happens.  That is reality.

What will we do when reality hits us in the face?  That is what I'm wrestling with, dear ones. I will greatly appreciate your prayers.  The weight of reality seems unbearable at times.  But when I am weak, He can be strong.  My Beloved is strong for me.  And He is strong for these babies.  I don't understand most of whats going on around me.  But I'm willing to fight to know Jesus in the midst of reality.  And I pray that every person who reads this blog will pray and consider the plight of these precious ones.  When when we stop making excuses?  When will we recognize our excuses as s-i-n? Yep, I said it.  Orphan care is more than a suggestion--its a command, a duty, and a divine privilege.

Thank you for listening to my heart.  I wish more of my posts could be light-hearted and easy.  But Jesus isn't either of those things.  So we press on through the heaviness.  Because at the end of the day...Jesus is all we have.  And He's all we want. 

P.s- If you would like to read some deep thoughts from my new friends, go here.  Good stuff.

Pure Bliss

 After my last, sort of morose post, I'm afraid some of you might be getting the impression that I'm a sad, wallowing mess.  Well, there have been moments of that for sure.  But for the most part, I am loving every second of my time here.  Hard days come, but that's totally expected.  I was actually surprised that I made it four whole days before the first hard day came.  So is life.  There will be good days and not so good days.  But Jesus is the same. And I pray that is what you see through reading my blog.  As I have said before, I want you to see that Jesus is strong enough even on our weakest days!

So, I've decide today to write a purely happy post.  You know why it can be purely happy?  Because its about these precious, priceless, stinkin' adorable treasures that I have the privilege of being surrounded by.
Every moment I spend with them is pure bliss.  And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  Some of the older kiddos are beginning to recognize me when I walk into the room.  Its so fun! I'm teaching them to say my name. I'll ask "Wo jiao shenme?!?" (What's my name?) And they'll just laugh and laugh and shake their little heads.  I say "Wo jiao ab-by."  And the kids and the nannies all repeat "Ab-by" in the cutest Asian accent ever.

When I first arrive, Mikey encouraged me to find a few "anchor rooms".  These are the rooms that I visit every day and make real effort to get to know the kids and nannies.  Its just that Maria's is such a huge place that it would be impossible to get to know every child or nanny.  Well, I currently have four anchor rooms.  Haha, I could never choose just one!

  I love hanging out with the kids who are old enough to interact with me.  In one room, we have a little game where Issac and Jaelyn say, "Bye Bye!" and I say "Where are you going?" And they say "To work!!" They toddle into the corner and then come bolting out screaming "NI HAO!!!" ...Lots of giggles and tickles follow. 

In another another room, I have absolutely fallen in love with a itty bitty princess with downs syndrome.  Shes tiny, not even sitting up yet.  I love to go in and hold her for as long as possible.  She just smiles and coos the whole time.  I love to sing "Jesus Loves Me" and talk about how her Heavenly Daddy cherishes her.  Priceless.

My number one anchor room is filled with lots of hustle and bustle.  I could stay there for hours. And sometimes I do!  The kids usually fight over who gets so sit in my lap, and they swat at the other kids who are trying to steal my attention.  I suppose the white girl with blonde hair is a novelty!  But I love being fought over :)  I have fallen in love with a little princess in that room named Fahlin.  Oh, she is beautiful! I taught her the motions to "If you're happy and you know it"  and I honestly think she would sing that song 200 times in a row if I would let her! I'm trying to teach her "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" to change things up a bit.  There is another princess in that room who is constantly sucking her fingers.  Well, finger suckers always have a special place in my heart because I sucked my fingers until I was eleven years old (I know, I know...).  Last night she crawled up into my lap, stuck those precious fingers into her mouth and fell fast asleep.  A taste of Heaven.

These babies are treasures from Above, no question about that.

Look at this face! Lucas is so lively and fun! He just makes me chuckle with his funny facial expressions.  He loves to love!

This is the sweet finger-sucker.  Look at those precious hands!

Enough said.

Is Franky not the cutest nugget ever!!! I could eat her with a spoon!

This is Fahlin..my little "Happy and you know it" Diva. What a joy she is!

Little Chinese Princesses.  

 

 

 Its official.  I'm in love.

Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies You have prepared praise.

Matthew 21:16

Honesty

When I started this blog one of my main goals was to keep it as honest and raw as possible.  What's the point of writing  if I sugar coat my life, my feelings, or even my relationship with my King? I want to be vulnerable...in hopes that in my weakness, you will be able to see Jesus.  So that's the goal, and I must stick to it.  But just a forewarning, this is my heart--raw.

I've been feeling pretty homesick today.  Its not that I'm not loving my time here, because I am.  But I suppose reality is beginning to set in.  I don't want to go home, but I'm just missing home (there is a difference).  And to be honest, I'm missing comfortable.  As I said in my last post, my days here have been very emotionally draining to say the least.  And there has been a lot of down time (which is typical of life here in the Big House), so I've had a lot of time to think.  This can be a good or a bad thing, depending on if I let my flesh or His spirit do the thinking.  At home, I often stay so busy that I don't take time to be still.  I don't take time to process the hard stuff about life.  I'm sure this is true about a lot of our lives.  We just keep moving from one thing to the next sort of like the energizer bunny.  Because frankly, sometimes thinking hurts.  Witnessing injustice is painful.  Processing and trying to make sense of it is even more painful.  When my flesh does the thinking, I become very overwhelmed, sad, upset, homesick, angry, lonely, fearful etc.  And you know what? Satan loves every minute of it. But when I allow His Spirit to do the thinking, I find myself looking at the world through the eyes of Jesus Christ and I feel peaceful, strong, joyful, alive, happy, excited, full, etc.  But my life the past few days has been filled both with flesh-thinking AND Spirit-thinking, so I feel like I'm on a crazy, twisted roller coaster ride. 

I've also been struggling with a lot of fear.  Yep, I said it.  F-E-A-R.  The one thing that my Jesus has told me over and over and over and over not to do.  But it creeps in nonetheless. (Especially when I'm doing that flesh-thinking stuff..).  I'm fearful because one week from today, I'm packing up again and heading to meet the other students who are also studying abroad.  I don't know a soul.  All the unknown is staring me in the face and causing me to shy away in fear.  I'm afraid of the huge change.  I'm afraid of the loneliness. I'm afraid of the big university.  I'm afraid to leave the sweet, Jesus-filled atmosphere here at Maria's.  And lets be honest, Berry College is not the typical college scene...so I'm afraid of entering that too.  This is way way way out of my comfort zone.  I don't want to go.  I want to stay here surrounded by these precious treasures.  I want to be covered in snot, slobber, and coughs.  I want to sing "Happy and you know it" 20x an hour and love every second of it.  I want to wake up to the sound of pitter-pattering feet.  I don't want to go.  But for some reason unknown to me, Jesus has asked me to go.  He has asked me to go to a university with 50000+ people and to study hard.  He has asked me to build relationships with people who I might never meet otherwise.  He has asked me to take one more step outside of my bubble of comfort--one more step toward knowing Jesus more.  And He has a job for me there.  The same Jesus who is with me in this big house is the same Jesus who goes with me to that big school.  My prayer is for a willing heart.  I don't Twant Jesus to have to drag me kicking and screaming.  I want to be willingly obedient.  I want to follow Jesus wherever He takes.  But I'm really scared.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;  I shall not be afraid.  What can flesh do to me?
Psalm 56:3-4 

So there you have it.  I'm not sure if anyone is still reading after I rambled so.  But if you are, take a look at these precious faces.  They are enough to light up ANY gloomy day!  It snowed at the Big House all day yesterday.  Much squealing and joy ensued! :)

Heaviness and Joy

Where to begin?  I'm usually not at a loss for words, but today for some reason, I am.  My heart is full, dear ones. My time here has been beautiful so far.  I think the transition is going pretty smoothly.  Of course, there are moments of homesickness and moments where I think, "Oh my...coming here for 6 months is a big deal!" But for the most part, my days have been filled with much peace and joy.  I've had more jet lag this trip which has caused some weariness.  I've been waking up around 4:30am wide awake! But thankfully I did sleep through the night last night and it was very sweet. "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." Proverbs 3:24

The team who met me at the airport left for home today, so things are quieting down a bit.  The next week will be filled simply with becoming acclimated with the building, staff, and of course, the babies.  The real grind will begin when I return to Maria's in May.  For now, my job is to love.  What a sweet calling.  (Side note: please be praying that the language will start coming easily for me! I long to communicate with the babies and their nannies!)

Being here is causing me to really wrestle with some tough issues.  Its very sobering to be living in a huge home with 100+ orphans.  Children who have never known what it feels like to have someone or some place to call "mine".  All they have ever known is people leaving them.  You see, when I'm home, I'm removed from the reality.  We talk about the orphans in the world and we have compassion for them...but its so different to hold them in your very arms and stare into their tiny faces.  It changes everything.  I have so many questions swirling around in my head.  Why, God? Why do you allow these children to be orphans? Why are they sick?  Why are they dying alone and afraid when I'm living a life of luxury?  How is this okay? I am so glad that my Jesus can handle my questions...questions don't scare Him one bit.  And you know what, I will probably never know the answers this side of eternity.  But instead of causing weariness and overload, I must take my questions and place them at the foot of the cross.  I must cling to Jesus all the more because I know that He is the Father to the fatherless and He is the Great Physician.  Orphan care is not for the faint of heart, folks.  And its a good thing that we can lay our questions at His feet and rest in His Sovereignty. He is good. Period. He fights for those who cannot fight for themselves.  He is close to the brokenhearted.  He is the comforter and healer.  He is Jesus Christ.

And one thing I do know.  Jesus is close to these babies.  His heart beats for them. And they have a special place in eternity.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meet, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Matthew 5:3-9

On a lighter note, take a look at these precious, adorable, priceless treasures and tell me they're not the cutest things you have ever seen!

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom.

Isaiah 40:11