Come Quickly

hot tears

heart pounding

stomach churning

lip quivering

quiet

this.is.not.okay.

I'm at a loss for words.

I'm angry.

I'm furious.

I'm helpless.

I'm mad.

Its not fair

Its not normal

this.is.not.okay

orphans were not in the plan

sickness was not in the plan

pain was not in the plan

dying children were not in the plan

loneliness was not in the plan

suffering was not in the plan

but,

heartache is the norm on this sin-struck earth.

And as long as we continue on this pilgrimage through life,

there will be suffering.

I hate it. 

I hate every part of it.

I hate staring into their tiny faces and being helpless to offer comfort.

I hate saying, "I have to go now" when they're clinging to my neck.

I hate seeing the tears welling up

I hate gazing into a room lined wall to wall with cribs

this.is.not.okay.

And all I can say is

Come quickly.

Life on earth just plain stinks sometimes.

My biggest fear is of gaining a hard heart towards things like this.  As a defense mechanism.

God Forbid.

this.is.not.okay.

and I never ever ever ever ever want to act like it is

even when allowing myself to feel the pain hurts way worse than pretending like its not happening.

May suffering and injustice cause me to hate sin.

and I mean

hate sin.

hate it so much that I flee from it with everything in me.

 

May suffering and injustice cause me to long even more for eternity

And for the day when

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, not pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

 Revelation 21:4

Today my heart is broken

Today I feel like I can't move because of the pain

Today tears are falling

and I won't be ashamed.

this.is.not.okay.

And I won't pretend like it is.